We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
