so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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