Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
