We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i came on her dog
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
