I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
