I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
