i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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