My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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