Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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