guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
