i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
