Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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