May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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