don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
