Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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