There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
