i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
