Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You pole danced in your parka.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
