fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
