I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
