Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
