I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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