The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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