Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
