She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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