Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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