I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
