No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
