Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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