She is in my trunk
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
