508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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