Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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