Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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