Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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