would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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