i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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