just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
