He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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