WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
