If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
