just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
