At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
