Barsexuality is the new black.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
