If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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