if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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