cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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