I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
