just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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