I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
