alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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