spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
