don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
